More than a cup of coffee

People used to never ask me how I was doing, says Martine Vonk of Amaryllis. That is why Martine makes an extra effort in the informal care café in Grou to be able to ask informal carers that very question: how are you doing?

Martine is a social worker in Amaryllis' Social Village South team. Martine is also a carer for her sister with Alzheimer's disease. As a little girl, Martine was already a carer for her disabled brother and sick mother. "People were always asking how my little brother and mother were doing, that's where all the attention always went," she says.

Amaryllis organises informal care cafés at various locations in the municipality of Leeuwarden. Informal carers from the Grou area used to have to come to Leeuwarden to visit a informal care café. This was a barrier, Martine noticed. The informal carers are not all mobile enough to travel such distances themselves. Moreover, this caused extra worries. Eventually, team Mantelzorg van Amaryllis set up a Mantelzorgcafé in Grou. Later, Martine picked this up from Amaryllis' social village team.

"I think it is so important to spend two hours together once a month, you should see how incredibly valuable it is." The carer cafés make it possible to help many carers at once. And above all: that they can meet each other. About thirteen people visit Mantelzorgcafé Grou every month. Meanwhile, it has become a close-knit group where real friendships have developed.

After entering, Martine does a round of coffee or tea and asks how everyone is doing. This is followed by an activity. "I think it's important to impart things about healthy eating. For example, we make a smoothie or milkshake."

"For me, it is also about them being busy and having a moment to pay attention to them. Often they are very ordinary and short activities."

"The informal carers do not have to talk about the person they care for for a while. Everyone really sits here for themselves for a while," Martine explains. "The other day, a lady was leaving and she said: 'I never actually smile anymore, but when I'm here, I smile'. "Sometimes Martine stands with tears in her eyes from such statements. "At home, it's not always for laughing."

After the death of his wife Trudy, Henri was suddenly on his own. Trudy regularly visited the informal care café in Grou. Henri: "It had to be very strange for Trudy not to come to the informal care café." The commitment of the other visitors was evident when they all came to Trudy's funeral. Everyone brought a flower. They took it for granted to say goodbye together.

Carers are often unaware that being a carer does not come naturally. They do not choose it themselves and being a carer is quite an achievement. This should be said more often, Martine thinks.

Martine and her colleague Vinneke Vermeulen encouraged visitors to keep in touch outside the Mantelzorgcafé too, via mobile phone. Everyone can now call each other and they are all in a group app. "A listening ear is important and you have to dare to talk to people about it," Martine says. "The feeling that you are not alone, and that you can share things, already takes away a burden. Everyone needs someone."